Welcome to Bonus Lesson 1 of Reignite My Relationship: Rock Logic vs Water Logic.

In lesson 5.4: 7 Principles for Successful Negotiation you learned 7 principles for successful negotiation in relationships.

Before you enter any negotiation with your partner it is useful to understand a simple negotiation model that applies to many negotiation processes between couples.

This model is called the the Rock Logic vs Water Logic Model.

What is the Rock Logic vs Water Logic Model?

The Rock Logic vs Water Logic model is a powerful thinking model developed by Maltese psychologist, philosopher and author Edward de Bono. In addition to his other achievements, De Bono is also credited for being the inventor of the term “lateral thinking”.

One of de Bono’s most powerful contributions to the field of thought comes from his book “Water Logic”.

In this book de Bono describes two types of thinking that are commonly used when people are trying to solve problems. De Bono calls these ways of thinking “Rock Logic” or “Water Logic”.

To understand these ways of thinking let’s start with the idea of rock logic.

What is Rock Logic?

According to de Bono, rock logic is a way of thinking that assumes the following things: • there is a “right and “wrong” way to solve a problem • problems should be addressed by looking at the facts and figures that relate to the problem, and • solution to problems can be found using traditional logic, where one statement should follow “logically” on from the previous statements

Rock logic is closely based on traditional Western concepts of what constitutes “logical” thinking, and also reflects heavily the influence of mathematics and science in Western problem solving.

What is Water Logic?

According to de Bono, water logic is an alternate way of thinking about problems that include some of the following assumptions: • there are many ways to solve a problem. These ways all have components of being “right” or “wrong” • peoples emotions are just as important to take into account when solving problems as are the facts and figures that relate to the problem • problems do not need to be solved “logically”-instead creative thinking processes (such as brainstorming or mind-mapping) can be more valuable to solving a problem than more traditional “linear” thinking processes.

De Bono’s Rock Logic vs Water Logic model is especially relevant to negotiation between couples, as men commonly think in rock logic ways, whereas women commonly think in water logic ways.

Rock Logic vs Water Logic Example

To help people understand the Rock Logic vs Water Logic model more, in his book Water Logic de Bono shares the following example.

In this example, Edward de Bono states that he was once asked to help a construction company solve a problem. This problem was that the construction company had just built a skyscraper. This skyscraper included a lift that took people from the ground floor to the top floor.

Unfortunately, after the skyscraper was completed and people started using the lift, the construction company received many complaints that the lift was taking too long to take people from the ground floor to the top floor.

The construction company thus asked Edward De Bono if he could come up with a solution to this problem.

Edward de Bono agreed to help. He went to the skyscraper and took several rides in the lift from the bottom of the skyscraper to the top. As people had said, the lift was very slow.

However, to help the construction company solve the problem, de Bono did not make the obvious rock logic suggestion that they try to find a way to speed up the lift. In fact, the construction company had already looked at this possible solution and decided that technically it would be very expensive to implement.

What de Bono did instead was to suggest a water logic solution to this problem. In the water logic solution he suggested that the construction company do not change the speed of the lift at all, but instead they should install a mirror in the lift!

Although the construction company were initially skeptical that this solution would work, they followed de Bono’s advice and installed the mirror. To their surprise, once they did this they found that no-one complained about speed of the lift again.

In fact, after the construction company installed the mirror in the lift, many people told them that instead of being too slow, the lift was now going too fast! This was (of course) not because the lift speed had changed at all, but now the people in the lift were too busy checking how they looked to notice how fast or slow the lift was going!

De Bono’s solution to the lift problem is a classic example of water logic.

If De Bono had attempted to solve the lift problem using rock logic he would have looked at the height of the skyscraper, the speed of the lift and so forth. This would have led to a different (and much more expensive) solution to the lift problem.

By using water logic de Bono addressed the lift problem by considering how people felt about the problem.

When I help couples negotiate difficult issues in their relationship, such as differences in parenting styles or different approaches to family finances, I have noticed that often men approach these negotiations with a rock logic mindset-usually considering first and foremost what they see as the “facts” and “figures” around an issue.

In comparison, women usually approach negotiations with a water logic mindset-considering first how people “feel” about an issue.

In order for couples to negotiate successfully however, both members of the couple need to be open to each others way of thinking. Neither rock logic nor water logic is better than the other-instead they both have a place in any negotiation.

Being open to other ways of thinking can be especially hard for men who think in rock logic ways, as rock logic thinking encourages men to think that their way of thinking is superior to their partners.

To ensure any negotiation process is successful however, it is important that you are open to your partners perspective, regardless of whether he or she is using rock logic or water logic.

I hope this lesson is useful.

Before you move onto the next lesson, you and your partner may want to consider the following questions:

a) When we negotiate with each other, what thinking styles do we use? Do either of us use rock logic or water logic? If so, who uses what type of thinking?

b) When we negotiate are we open to each others way of thinking? If not, how could we be more open to each others way of thinking?

c) Can we think of any problems we have solved successfully using rock logic thinking? How about water logic thinking? Or do we use a combination of these thinking styles when we solve problems?

d) Do either of us have anything else we want to say about this lesson? If so, what is it?

Rock Logic vs Water Logic

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