Welcome to Bonus lesson 5: The 30 Day Relationship Challenge.

In Lesson 4.1: The Power Of Friendship you learned that one of the most powerful ways to create a happy, loving and passionate relationship is to maintain a strong, loving and connected friendship with your partner (and to never forget this in the push and pull of daily life).

In this lesson you are going to learn a simple process to boost the levels of friendship in your relationship. I call this process the 30-day relationship challenge.

What is the 30-Day Relationship Challenge?

The 30-day relationship challenge is a simple process in which you: • focus on one positive thought about your partner every day for the next 30 days, and • perform one simple action related to this thought.

For ideal results it is best to repeat your daily thought to yourself as much as possible each day of this relationship challenge.

Repeating this thought to yourself many times during the day helps to counteract any negative thoughts that may have built up over time about your partner.

It is common for couples that do this exercise to emerge from this challenge with a significantly more positive view of their partner and their relationship. This is partly due to the fact that in many cases the human brain cannot distinguish between powerfully imagined thoughts and reality.

Repeating positive thoughts to yourself (such as what you love most about your partner or remembering the best times that you have had together) lays down powerful pathways in the brain. This means that even if times get worse between you and your partner in the future, your brain will still have a record of these positive thoughts.

Because of this you will be able to return to thinking in positive ways about your partner far more easily than if you had not practiced these positive thoughts.

Finally, for some couples it may be difficult to think of examples of the positive thoughts that I am going to suggest to you. This especially applies to couples who are in a state of negative sentiment override (see lesson 4.1).

If this applies to you, it is still important to try to think of at least one example of the thought that I am asking you to have.

For example, if you no longer feel attracted to your partner and I ask you to think one one aspect of your partner that you are attracted to, think of an aspect of your partner that attracted you in the past.

Rehearsing these thoughts in your head establish neural pathways in your brain, meaning that over time your attraction to your partner may return.

Why is this challenge 30 days long?

Research indicates that it can take the brain at least 30 days to develop new habits.

If you and your partner perform this challenge well, at the end of these days then you and your partner will be in the habit of thinking good thoughts about each other.

This is likely to increase the quality of your friendship together, leading to a happier, more loving and passionate relationship.

Once you and your partner complete this 30 day challenge, it can be beneficial to repeat the challenge. In fact, the more often you repeat this challenge the more you are likely to benefit from it!

Instructions for the 30 day challenge:

For every day of this challenge I will:

a) suggest a positive thought to think about your partner, as well asb) an action to perform that relates to this thought.

Try to reflect upon the thought I suggest as much as possible during each day of the challenge.

By participating in this challenge, over time you will programme your brain into thinking in powerfully positive ways about your partner. This will:

counteract any negative thoughts about your partner or relationship that have built up over the course of your relationship, and
increase the amount of friendship in your relationship, helping you create a happier, more loving and more passionate relationship.

Thoughts and Actions To Focus on During The Challenge:

Day 1:Thought: Think of a one quality about your partner that you admireAction: Express this quality to your partnerDay 2:Thought: Recall one of your favourite memories togetherAction: Make time to talk with your partner about this memoryDay 3:Thought: Remember one funny thing that has happened in your relationshipAction: Make your partner laugh at least once during the dayDay 4:Thought: Remember when you first met your partnerAction: Make time to talk with your partner about this meetingDay 5: Thought: Think about one thing you like doing with your partnerAction: Spend some quality time with your partnerDay 6: Thought: Think about the most caring gift your partner has given youAction: Give your partner a surprise gift!Day 7: Thought: Remember one time your partner has said something nice about you to othersAction: Leave a note expressing positive feelings for your partnerDay 8:Thought: Think about how your partner has helped you in your lifeAction: Talk with your partner about how they have helped you in your lifeDay 9:Thought: Remember your favourite holiday with your partnerAction: Plan a holiday (even for one day) togetherDay 10:Thought: What is your favourite physical feature of your partner?Action: Share your answer to this question with your partnerDay 11:Thought: Think of one way you and your partner make a good teamAction: Express your answer to this question with your partnerDay 12:Thought: What is something silly you and your partner like doing?Action: Do something silly togetherDay 13:Thought: Think of one place where you have had good memories with your partnerAction: Drive to a place you and your partner both likeDay 14: Thought: Remember a good time between you and your partner that involved physical touchAction: Massage (or touch) your partner in a way you both feel comfortable withDay 15: Thought: Think about how creating a good relationship benefits both you and your partnerAction: Share one thing with your partner that you can do to improve your relationshipDay 16:Thought: Think about a time your partner has shown care to youAction: Do one thing around the house that your partner would appreciateDay 17: Thought: Recall your favourite meal with your partnerAction: Make (or buy) one type of food that your partner likes Day 18: Thought: What quality in your partner are you most proud of?Action: Share the answer to this question with your partnerDay 19:Thought: Think of a game that you and your partner enjoy playing togetherAction: Spend some time playing this game with your partnerDay 20:Thought: What is one thing you have in common with your partner?Action: Express the answer to this question with your partnerDay 21:Thought: Remember one romantic time you and your partner have had togetherAction: Organize a romantic dinner with your partnerDay 21:Thought: Think about what your partner has given up (or sacrifices he or she has made) to be with youAction: Write down 5 reasons you are glad to be with your partner (and share this list with your partner)Day 22: Thought: Remember one time in nature you enjoyed being with your partnerAction: Take a short walk (or go to any natural setting) with your partnerDay 23: Thought: Remember one time you enjoyed touching your partnerAction: Touch your partner in any way that is comfortable to you bothDay 24:Thought: Think of one thing your partner has taught youAction: Express your appreciation of this to your partnerDay 25: Thought: Remember one time you and your partner succeeded at something togetherAction: Organize a brief celebration (of anything) with your partnerDay 26:Thought: Remember one kind thing that your partner has done for youAction: Perform an act of kindness for your partner Day 27: Thought: Remember how it felt when you were dating your partnerAction: Organize a date with your partnerDay 28: Thought: Think about 5 things that you appreciate about your partnerAction: Write these 5 things down and share this list with your partnerDay 29: Thought: What do you appreciate most about being with your partner? Action: Share the answer to this question with your partnerDay 30: Thought: Remember one time that you have enjoyed dancing wth your partner (even if it was a silly dance!) Action: Dance with your partner for at least 5 minutes

The 30 Day Relationship Challenge

You must be logged in to access this course