Have you ever wondered what the secret to creating a happy and loving relationship is?
If so, wonder no more!
According to relationship expert Dr John Gottman, there is a simple answer to this question.
In today's relationship tip, you are going to learn this secret.
Let's begin!
Who Is Dr John Gottman?
Dr John Gottman is a clinical psychologist and researcher who has dedicated over 40 years of his life to studying relationships.
He is also the director of the Gottman Institute, a world-leading research institute specialising in studying how couples can create happy and loving relationships.
After studying thousands of couples, one of Dr Gottman's most powerful ideas is that one factor distinguishes couples that thrive in happy, healthy and loving relationships from those that end up in divorce.
This is the "Magic Six Hours".
One factor distinguishes couples that thrive in happy, healthy and loving relationships from those that end up in divorce.
What Are The Six Magic Hours?
The Magic Six Hours refers to the number of hours a week that couples need to spend together for their relationship to thrive.
According to Gottman, couples that spend roughly six hours a week together will enjoy a happier, stronger and longer-lasting relationship than those who don't.
Couples that spend roughly six hours a week together will enjoy a happier, stronger and longer-lasting relationship than those who don't.
This is especially true for couples who are well-versed in other good relationship practices, such as communicating respectfully and managing conflict well.
Assuming you and your partner have these foundations of a good relationship, spending these 6 hours together will dramatically increase your chance of relationship success!
What Do The Six Magic Hours Consist Of?
According to Dr Gottman, the Magic 6 hours consist of the following seven steps:
Step 1: Partings
Before leaving their partner each day (eg at the start of the workday) happy couples:
- say goodbye to each other, and
- learn one thing that is happening in their partner's life that day (such as what is happening at work, if an important meeting is coming up etc.).
The time taken for these partings can be small (even just 2 minutes a day!), but they do make a difference!
Time Taken: 2 minutes a day (5 days a week)
The time taken for these partings can be small (even just 2 minutes a day!), but they do make a difference!
Step 2: Greetings
When greeting each other at the end of a workday, happy couples share a kiss or hug together. This helps them reconnect with each other.
According to Gottman, it is even better if this kiss or hug lasts for at least 6 seconds, as "a 6 seconds kiss is worth coming home for!"
As with partings, the time taken for these greetings can be small, but they do make a difference!
Time Taken: 2 minutes a day (5 days a week)
A 6 seconds kiss is worth coming home for!
Step 3: Appreciation / Admiration
Happy couples express genuine appreciation or affection to each other every day.
This may include compliments (such as "you look great!"), words of gratitude (such as saying "thank-you for washing the dishes") or expressions of admiration (such as "I love you!").
Time Taken: 5 minutes a day (7 days a week)
Happy couples express genuine appreciation or affection to each other every day.
Step 4: Physical Affection
Happy couples show physical affection towards each other.
This may include touching each other during the day, hugging and kissing or embracing before going to sleep.
A goodnight kiss or embrace before you sleep is one of the most important parts of this affection, as it implies that you have let go of any minor irritations that may build up over the day.
Time Taken: 5 minutes a day (7 days a week)
Happy couples show physical affection towards each other.
Step 5: Couples Communication Exercise
The Couples Communication Exercise is a 20-minute conversation between you and your partner that happy couples have every evening during the week.
In this exercise, couples talk and listen to each other about their day.
Couples that do this exercise stay connected, no matter what is happening in their lives.
If you would like more details about the Couples Communication Exercise, contact me, and I will email you further instructions about this exercise!
Time taken: 20 minutes per day (5 days a week)
Couples that do the Couples Communication Exercise stay connected, no matter what is happening in their lives.
Step 6: Quality Time
Happy couples spend roughly two hours a week quality time with each other.
This time allow couples to stay connected with each other. Quality time may include a "date night", evening walks, Sunday morning coffees together (without the children!), etc.
Quality time should also generally allow couples to talk deeply with each other. During these conversations, couples should use active listening skills so that both partners get to know each other on a deeper level (and stay connected to each other).
Time taken: 2 hours per week.
Happy couples spend roughly two hours a week quality time with each other.
Step 7: Relationship Discussion
Happy couples spend about one hour (on average) a week talking about their relationship together.
This has many benefits for the couples, such as preventing minor issues from building up in relationships.
Time taken: 1 hour per week.
Happy couples spend about one hour (on average) a week talking about their relationship together.
Implementing the Magic Six Hours
The Magic Six Hours is a powerful concept, and I have used it with many couples to improve their relationship.
For couples who would like to implement the Magic Six Hours together, I recommend discussing the following three questions together:
Question 1: Do we do any of these seven steps already?
If you already do some of these steps, well done!
However, even if you do these steps, ask yourself if there are ways that you can improve on these steps (such as doing them every day, doing more of them, scheduling time for these steps, etc).
Question 2: Out of these seven steps, which would be most beneficial to include in our relationship?
As part of this question, ask yourself what the best way to include these steps is. For example, do you need to schedule time for a date night or relationship discussion? I have found that couples who plan time for these activities are far more likely to do them!
Question 3: Are we willing to commit to spending 6 hours a week to keep our relationship happy, healthy and loving?
If you answer "No" to this, ask yourself why?
What is more important to you than your relationship? In the long term, I am pretty sure that the answer is nothing!
What is more important to you than your relationship? In the long term, I am pretty sure that the answer is nothing!
Conclusion:
Following the Magic Six Hours is a powerful way for couples to create loving and healthy relationships.
I have used this concept with many couples, and I have found that it improves relationship satisfaction, happiness and intimacy.
If you would like to learn more about the Magic Six Hours or any of the steps listed here, please do not hesitate to contact me! I am more than happy to help.
So, now that you know about the Magic Six Hours, will you implement them with your partner? Please let me know in the comments section below!
That's all for today!
For more tips on creating a happier, more loving and passionate relationship, book relationship coaching with me, or enrol in my powerful online course, Reignite My Relationship.
I look forward to helping you create a happy, loving and passionate relationship!
