Do you lose your temper during arguments with your partner?
Or perhaps you have trouble managing anger in other situations, such as with your children, at work or with other drivers on the roads?
If so, then today's relationship tip is for you.
Today, I will share with you one of the most powerful tools to help you control your anger in any situation.
This tool is called the "Tension Scale".
What is the Tension Scale?
The Tension Scale is a scale from 0 to 10 that measures how tense or stressed you are in any given situation.
As a picture is worth a thousand words, a simple illustration of the Tension Scale is given below.
As you can see, 0 on the Tension Scale indicates having no tension or stress whatsoever. This is very unusual!
On the top end of the Tension Scale, 10 indicates that a person is as angry as they can ever imagine. This is also very unusual!
For most people, their tension levels go up and down during the day.
For instance, if you are running late for a meeting, your tension levels will probably rise.
You may then arrive at the meeting and realize that other people are also late, so your tension levels fall.
This process of rising and falling tension levels happens to us all.
The Tension Scale is a scale from 0 to 10 that measures how tense or stressed you are in any given situation.
While most people can manage this rising and falling of tension, your tension may stay high in some situations.
For example, imagine that you are arguing with your partner. Even though you are trying to control your anger, what your partner is saying is making you angry.
You will probably be at about 7 on the Tension Scale in this situation.
For most people, this is the anger point of the scale.
If you get higher than 7 on the Tension Scale, this is a danger point. Once anyone gets to 8, 9 or 10 on the Tension Scale, they can quickly lose control of their anger-often resulting in abuse or violence.
Using the Tension Scale to recognize your levels of tension and stress before you lose control of your anger is a powerful tool to prevent arguments with your partner from getting to the point where you act in angry, abusive or violent ways.
Using the Tension Scale to recognize your levels of tension and stress before you lose control of your anger is a powerful tool to prevent arguments with your partner from getting to the point where you act in angry, abusive or violent ways.
This leads to a very logical question, which is:
How do I recognize when I am going up the Tension Scale?
The simplest way to become aware that you are going up the Tension Scale is to recognize your Early Warnings Signs.
In yesterday's relationship tip, Notice Your Early Warning Signs of Anger you learned that your Early Warning Signs of Anger include:
• Physical (Body) Sensations
• Actions
• Thoughts, and
• Feelings.
The simplest way to become aware that you are going up the Tension Scale is to recognize your Early Warnings Signs.
When you are going up the Tension Scale, you should recognize some of your Early Warning Signs of Anger.
For example, at 3 or 4 on the Tension Scale, you may notice tension in your chest or your heart beating faster. If your tension increases, at 4 or 5 on the Tension Scale, you may raise your voice or feel agitated. This can continue until you become angry.
Recognizing your Early Waring Signs of Anger is the best way to become aware that you are going up the Tension Scale.
Recognizing your Early Waring Signs of Anger is the best way to become aware that you are going up the Tension Scale.
Once you become aware that you are going up the Tension Scale, there is a multitude of choices that you can make to go back down the Tension Scale (instead of letting an argument escalate!).
In the next two relationship tips, you will learn two of the most powerful ways to go down the Tension Scale.
For the moment, remember that using the Tension Scale is a powerful way to:
- stop arguments quickly and easily
- not overreact and say or do things that you will regret
- stay in control of your anger, and
- help you create a happy, loving and passionate relationship.
Conclusion:
In today's relationship tip, you have learned what the Tension Scale is and how it can help you control your anger in any situation.
You also learned that recognizing your Early Warning Signs of Anger will help you recognize when you are going up the Tension Scale.
In the next two relationship tips, you will learn two powerful ways to go down the Tension Scale.
OK. That's all for today!
For more tips on creating a happier, more loving and passionate relationship, book relationship coaching with me, or enrol in my powerful online course, Reignite My Relationship.
I look forward to helping you create a happy, loving and passionate relationship!
